Right place, right time

This morning I had a meeting with a coach that reached out on LinkedIN and asked if we could connect. Not much context other than the fact that she helps female entrepreneurs. So I figured why not. The call was a bit surreal, I asked how she found me and she said she has people that find connections and she sifts through and feels like a good fit. She also said she believes it is the universe bringing her the people she is supposed to meet. She said she recently went through a divorce, moved back to her hometown and started coaching because she wanted to do something more meaningful with her life. I explained my situation and how synced our stories were. She invited me to a group session following with other woman that she coached. The whole group session was a version of meditation, our videos were off and we were muted. She walked through a lot of questions and had us envision ourselves in one year and in ten. She asked what we would regret if we died tomorrow. She asked us if we hold guilt and if so what. What fears rule our world. She explained that if we release guilt, it releases us and that the only person we need to forgive is ourselves. She highlighted that right here, on this call is the community of like-minded people we need to believe that our dreams can be a reality. Believe. That word left an impression. On the 1:1 call she asked me what do I need in order to make my dream a reality, what does my ego need? and I said validation. I said I need to know I am doing the right thing, I am on the right path. I explained that this mission to share a life of joy, a life of open-hearted living, a life of faith- I am not living it. I believe it's possible and I want to share it with the world. But it's as if I don't believe it's valid. Like I want everyone around me to give their stamp of approval on the lifestyle before I jump in. I need to believe. And as I sat in the call following the prompts, sitting in my apartment in Chicago with other woman from all over the world on the call with me- I realized how much divine intervention played a role in making this happen today. It's these moments, the coincidences, the things that seems to fall into your lap- that is the universe helping me to believe. Belief feels scary. It feels like going against everything that I know. It feels like standing up in the crowd and yelling I am different. I have spent me life trying to fit in- get skinny enough, tan enough, smart enough. Trying to get the attention of everyone and ensuring that everyone liked me. And now I am giving up and choosing a new path.

The energy healer that I go to left me last session with the idea that there is a sadness around me. I spoke of my plans to transition to holistic health coaching professional and she sensed a sadness. It was generational and she asked me to watch how it came up for me. That afternoon the lineage of depression that has been masked as anxiety came out for me. It was something I wanted to claim that I had because, if you name it it's not as scary. And as I've continued to think about the lineage of depression ( and read Woman Who Run With the Wolves) I thought about this decision that feels so huge, so scary- to be free, to choose not to fit into society, to be different......to believe. She said it showed up in me as a chain with an opening that has been left open because there is space for change.

This adds to the powerfulness and the beauty. It also adds a level of seriousness. This isn't just to get to the end of my life and not regret anything. This is to live a life of bliss, to pass on a life of bliss.

Sometimes it all feels like I am grasping for straws. Not really sure which direction to head into next and it can be overwhelm paralysis. But today there is no denying that I am in the right place, at the right time. Which means today I started to believe that I am doing something right.